"When I tell you the things I love about you, accept what I'm saying. Don't shrug it off." I want to shrug it off. He knows me. He's right. Accepting the caress of grace can be terrifying. Why is it so hard just to let love?" (Ann Voskamp, A Holy Experience)
Accepting the caress of grace can be terrifying. Opening myself up to the possibility of being hurt. This is where I struggle the most - trusting the person who loves me the most. I don't accept it because I don't feel as if I deserve it. I'm not beautiful. I'm not talented. I'm not creative. I'm not lovable. I don't trust that I am any of those things. How can anyone mean them when they say them about me?
And what do I do if they are never said?
He whispers, trust more.
My husband wraps me in his arms. Our tears mingle in our kiss - whispering there is Hope - that I can always trust Hope. During a particularly difficult time early in our marriage I would wake up in the middle of the night to find him holding my hand. A simple thing, yes, but hope nonetheless. Hope that we would find our way. God-whispered hope that I could hold onto. Hope that I could trust.
And still He whispers, trust more.
Trust Him enough to face my insecurities.
His love for me is not conditional - I am lovable. He is, after all, the Lover of my soul. He never forgets who I am. His is the only validation I need because He gifted me. I am creative because He created me. I am never an afterthought to Him. He is always for me.
"He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me."
Psalm 18:19
I am abiding and resting inside His goodness; protected, embraced and surrounded by His compassion and favor. He is always there holding my hand in the quiet of the night. Whispering hope like a lover.
I can trust Him to take care of my heart.
"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life."
Psalm 143:8
So so true, but so hard to accept. I think maybe part of why it's a hard truth to accept is that fully trusting doesn't mean life will be perfect, but that's what we want. At least that's me. But one really shouldn't have anything to do with the other, eh?
ReplyDeleteYes, don't we all want perfection. I think if that's what we got the trusting would be so much easier!
DeleteThanks for stopping by.
Carol
Hi Carol
ReplyDeleteI linked up after you after Emily's and am delighted to meet you. You are unique, dear one, beautifully and wonderfully made by your Pappa God! He knew your name even before you were conceived and loved you even then. This post shows a lot of honesty about brokenness and is proof of your talent for writing!
Much love to you
Mia
Thanks so much for stopping by, Mia. And thank you for the encouraging words. It's very much my pleasure to meet you!
DeleteBlessings,
Carol
I feel so soothed reading your words here. And encouraged to do this more myself: Trust more.
ReplyDelete"I can always trust Hope." That one is a little scary for me, but when I personify Jesus as Hope, it all makes sense and I can rest in it. Thank you, Carol, for your insights.
And holding hands in the middle of the night? Beautiful imagery!
Thank you so much, Lisa for your encouraging words and for stopping by.
DeleteYes, scary for me also but I am trusting more - well, trying too!
I can relate to your struggle, Carol...such a tender picture of your husband holding your hand...my 2013 word, as I prayed for one, is "Trust"...praying God helps us both to trust in His unconditional love for us ..thank you for encouraging me :)
ReplyDeleteYou are so very welcome, Dolly!
DeleteAs this is also my word for 2013 it is going to be some kind of year. Whenever I struggle with trusting I will think of you and pray for you also!
Carol
Carol, I am visiting from Em's place. Your words on this cold morning are warm and filled with beauty. Thank you for being brave enough to share your heart with us. Your transparency allows the Father to shine His light through you. Blessings to you!
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by, Brenna! Thankful my humble words were able to touch you.
DeleteCarol
i'm feeling a little fragile and this was just what i needed. beautiful. so glad you linked at DS.
ReplyDeleteSuzannah, thanks for taking the time to stop in. Blessed that my thoughts could be encouraging for you.
DeleteCarol
wow found another 'long time' married person. I have been married 39 years and yes it is hard at times, and challenging and yet rewarding and wonderful too.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sharon for stopping by! And yes, it is hard and challenging but definitely one of the best things in the world. I wouldn't trade it for anything - well maybe some days I would!! :)
DeleteCarol