I began blogging in October of 2012. These last 3 plus years have been enlightening for me as I have worked out my feelings about church and faith. Some of this journey has been messy and hasn’t seemed to make a whole lot of sense. Yet some of this journey has been messy in that holy, rebuilding from the ground up kind of way. I’ve learned a lot about myself and still find I don’t know all that much. This quote really does sum up how I see myself…
“When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and I get discouraged, I love and I hate. I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and I am suspicious. I am honest and I still play games…
To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story.”
I am all of these and none. A contradiction of chaos and grace. Always wandering, always longing for and searching for grace. I am an expert at throwing stones and this tends to get in the way of that whole grace thing. But slowly, as I dwell in this wilderness, I am learning to find grace in the ordinary, everyday moments.
“There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the incarnation.” Madeleine L’Engle
I am seeing his fingerprints in all things sacred and secular. And beginning to think that the more we try and separate the two, we lose more and more of who he is. I’m at a point in my life where I have more questions than answers. My faith in religion has come crashing down all around me and in the chaos, in the everyday, I’m noticing more true glimpses of grace.
And it’s a beautiful thing.
I don’t know appears to be a theme for me these days and a phrase that has struck a chord with me this past year is be still and know. It has been difficult for me to actually put that into practice. But I am learning to embrace the stillness as well the knowing that comes after the and. I’m taking the time to sit still in this dying in order to know that new life is around the corner. Knowing that being still is not all there is. The and says that there is more to the story. More to my story. It’s time to let that story write itself in the way that it’s meant to. Hopefully finding my way back to assurance. Not because I’ve bought into someone else’s experience, but because I’ve lived my own. I want my faith to be hard earned. A living, breathing, progressive thing that’s borne out of the stillness. A faith that continues to grow after the and.
These are the stories you will find here in my new little corner of the internet. That and more of the Beauty in the Everyday. Please take the time to look around. My hope is that you find the beauty; something that will encourage you, make you laugh or simply let you know you are not alone. This is after all, the purpose and power of story.
“We need to look hard at the stories we create, and wrestle with them.
Retell and retell them, and work with them like clay.
It is in the retelling and returning that they give us their wisdom.”