God has once again put me in a place where I have no choice but to trust Him. This is my Year of Trust and I knew when he gave me that word there would be difficult days ahead for me. Trust and I aren’t always on the best of terms! Tuesday was one of those difficult days.
We spent the afternoon at our children’s hospital while our daughter had an MRI done. Read ‘When I Am Afraid’ to see what brought us here. The two hours spent in that room made me realize that I have no control over things.
A very sobering thought for a parent whose child is bundled up and strapped to a table then mechanically moved into the mouth of the monster. I could be in the room but I couldn’t be by her side, couldn’t hold her hand, couldn’t take her place. I had no control.
If you’ve ever had an MRI or been in the room while someone else has, you know that I wasn’t even able to comfort and encourage her with my words. The noise is deafening. The knocking and buzzing and beeping make you want to run screaming from the room. They set her up with headphones and a Lady Antebellum Pandora station while her father and I got earplugs and old magazines to keep us company. I read two different magazines cover to cover in an effort to distract me from my helplessness. For the life of me I can’t tell you which magazines I picked up or tell you about any of the articles I read. Between the noise and the earplugs I just couldn’t concentrate. I had no control.
I was left alone with my thoughts. Alone and completely helpless to do anything in this situation. Isn’t that where trusting really begins? Embracing our weakness. Letting go and relying on someone else. I had to trust in the fact that our pediatrician felt this was the best course of action. That the MRI tech and the radiologist knew what they were doing and we would get the results we needed to be able to make good decisions moving forward. I had no control.
But most importantly, I needed to be still and listen to the persistent whisper, “Trust me. She was mine before she was yours. Abide in me. Rest in my goodness. She is protected, embraced and surrounded by my compassion and favor. You can trust me with your heart, with her.”
I love how even with all the noise of this life He is still whispering. All we have to do is be still and know that He is who He says He is and that we can trust Him. Always.