Today is our 36th Wedding Anniversary. This is a post I wrote 4 years ago, and while true then, it is more so in different ways today. For everyone doing the difficult things, for those feeling like none of it matters anymore, remember that love is a not the stuff of fairytales, but of gritty, hard fought choices we make daily. Remember especially that Love never fails.
It’s been a stormy, rainy day here but the sun is finally breaking through the gray…
Isn’t that much like our life has been? Where can I even begin to find the words to describe this lifetime we have shared? How can these 400 or so words even remotely touch what these years have meant and will continue to mean?
No one tells you when you are young and in love that life is hard and marriage is not all it’s cracked up to be. That it’s not at all what you expect. They don’t tell you that you will hurt the ones you love the most, the most, and that they will in turn hurt you. That you will sometimes hold onto that hurt instead of holding onto the good things. They don’t tell you that your love will come and go. That you will have to make a choice everyday to love that person. And that sometimes that choice is a hard one to make.
They don’t tell you that sometimes promises are broken but the mended places make you stronger if you let them. That the tears shared when babies are lost in a sea of red are oftentimes the glue that holds you together. That the joy shared in the births of the five would sustain you in your times of wandering in the desert.
They don’t tell you that even though it’s nothing like you expect, it’s richer and fuller than you could ever have imagined. That looking back, you will still feel the same that you did at 19. You will still be best friends, sharing laughter, but with a lifetime of experiences between you that are only yours. That when you look at each other, it will be with a knowing you couldn’t have fathomed all those years ago. That you will see strength and kindness. Compassion and caring. And enough love to sustain the both of you. And Grace. There will always be Grace.
That you will still get lost in those brown eyes that you have always loved. That the brush of a thumb across your lips will still make you weak in the knees. That now, after 32 years, you are still moved by a kiss and only beginning to understand what being lovers really means. Because you are only just now allowing yourselves to be fully known.
That you are finally getting a glimpse of the tapestry being woven with that scarlet thread of Grace. A glimpse of an image not yet finished…