This One Wild and Precious Life

Last Saturday was my birthday. According to my almost 29yr old son, I turned 21 and am only getting younger as last year he wished me a happy 23rd! Seriously though, I turned 54. There are days it feels very surreal. I look around and wonder where the years have gone. How can I have four adult children, as well as an 11yr old, when I don’t feel any older than 21? So my mind says. My body reminds me otherwise. So does the fact that life hasn’t turned out like I thought it would.

How will I live this one wild and precious life?

If only I could go back knowing what I know now. It’s an interesting thought…going back in time armed with that kind of knowledge. How many things would be different? How many would stay the same? Some things would never have begun for the knowing of what was to come. Relationships ending before their beginning. Opportunities never explored. Steps never taken. Lives never shared.

Knowing all of the things but living from a place of fear. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of not being enough. Fear of not being loved. Fear of being abandoned. Imagine all that would be missed. Would a safe, vanilla existence really be worth the knowing?

There’s a richness that comes from living out of a place of vulnerability. Allowing myself to be known and to be loved. Yes, there will be times I will be hurt. Many times. Times I will not be enough for someone or something. Abandoned. Not loved.

But I am still worthy. Still more than enough. Still lovable. And there will be a strength that will come in the breaking and the mending. Grace to be found in all of it.

How will I live this one wild and precious life?

A friend left me this message on my birthday…“Oh happy day! I am so thankful you were born and for the grace and beauty your life exudes.”

That’s how I want to live what’s left of my life. From a place of grace and beauty. Such an extraordinary gift, grace. Not one to be possessed or meted out when I feel it is deserved. Even for myself. It’s a living, breathing, changing thing to be nurtured and cared for. Changing because grace is different for every soul; every situation.

I can wallow in the past. In the valley of regret. In the mire of terrible decisions. Or I can notice one small ordinary grace. And another, and another until grace is what I see around me in the small, ordinary moments.

In the beauty of the everyday…

This One Wild and Precious Life

This One Wild and Precious Life

This One Wild and Precious Life

This One Wild and Precious Life

This One Wild and Precious LIfe

This One Wild and Precious LIfe

This One Wild and Precious Life

This One Wild and Precious Life

This One Wild and Precious Life

This One Wild and Precious Life

“I don’t know exactly what prayer is. I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down in the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields, which is what I’ve been doing all day. Tell me, what else should I have done? Doesn’t everything die at last and too soon? Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your wild and precious life?” Mary Oliver

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